How to Win Friends and Influence People Book Summary
How to Win Friends and Influence People is Dale Carnegie’s timeless guide for anyone who wants to improve their relationships and success in life. Above all else, Carnegie teaches us that connecting with other people is a skill (not a natural talent) and that through being honest with our shortcomings and intentional in our efforts to overcome those challenges, we can improve this skill.
While the book is a bit dry given that it was written in 1936, the principles discussed are still highly relevant to modern life. If you don’t want to read the text, this Hubspot summary is a pretty good start for learning more about how to integrate each principle into your life. Not all of the principles will resonate with you, and that’s okay. You can choose a few of the principles that will help you in your current situation and revisit the list later.
As social animals, we crave acceptance from others.
We don’t need everyone to like and accept us, but we do need some people to do so. That’s why we invest in friendships, participate in groups, and build relationships with our colleagues.
While each of us excels in connecting with people in some ways, we struggle in others. Perhaps we don’t give off a good first impression. Perhaps we find ourselves in heated discussions with new friends. Perhaps we find it difficult to showcase our personality in big groups.
The good news is that we don’t have to accept these natural challenges. Connecting with other people is a skill, and through being honest with our challenges and intentional in our efforts to overcome those challenges, we can improve.
Improving in this area is well worth the effort. Because in getting better at understanding, communicating with, and relating to other people, our quality of life will improve. We’ll develop healthier relationships, build more rewarding careers, and navigate the world more easily.
If you’re interested in improving your interactions with other people, below is a list of timeless principles designed to help you do so. Not all of the principles will resonate with you, and that’s okay. You can choose a few of the principles that will help you in your current situation and revisit the list later.
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
- Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
- Give honest and sincere appreciation.
- Arouse in the other person an eager want.
Six Ways to Make People Like You
- Become genuinely interested in other people.
- Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
- Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
- Make the other person feel important.
How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
- The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
- If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
- Begin in a friendly way.
- Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
- Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
- Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
- Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
- Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
- Appeal to the nobler motives.
- Dramatize your ideas.
- Throw down a challenge.
Be a Leader: How to Change People
- Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
- Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
- Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
- Let the other person save face.
- Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
- Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
- Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
- Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
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