How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie
Reading Time: 9 minutes
Summary
In this time-tested book, Dale Carnegie shows us how to conquer worry and anxiety. Via engaging stories that reveal helpful lessons and practical frameworks, Carnegie arms you with an array of tools that will help you start living more fully and without the harmful effects of worry. Even though this book was written in 1936, the deceptively simple lessons from this book will help you better navigate the noise of the modern era.
Get book on Amazon (Must read)
Key Takeaways
Focus on today
âOur main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand.â – Thomas Carlyle
Resurfaced using Readwise
Thinking about what needs to be done in the future can lead to overwhelm and inaction. But if you focus on what you need to accomplish today, itâs much more doable. It will help you create the future you want, one day at a time.
A formula to follow
Frameworks for dealing with worry can be helpful, especially since worry destroys our ability to concentrate. Without being able to concentrate, not only do we feel worse, but weâre less effective.
If you have a situation where youâre worrying about failing, follow these three steps.
- Step 1: Analyze a situation causing you worry to determine the worst possible scenario if you fail.
- Step 2: Accept the worst possible case scenario, if it is to happen.
- Step 3: Focus on trying to improve the situation so that you end up with a better outcome than worst case.
Why you should care about worry
âThe greatest mistake physicians make is that they attempt to cure the body without attempting to cure the mind; yet the mind and body are one and should not be treated separately.â – Plato
Resurfaced using Readwise
Worry isnât just something that makes you feel a little worse or makes it less likely that you can concentrate. Itâs something that can lead to seriously adverse health effects for your mind, body, and soul. These negative effects can cause much worse situations with your health than whatever it is that youâre worrying about.
In short, worry is not worth the physical toll it can take on your body.
Techniques for Analyzing Worry
Understand the situation
Whenever youâre worrying about something, you need to do three things:
- Get the facts.
- Analyze the facts.
- Arrive at a decision â and act on that decision.
One simple framework for figuring this all out is to follow four lines of inquiry.
- Write down what youâre worrying about (What am I worrying about?)
- Think about what you can do about it (What can I do about it?)
- Decide on what to do (What are you going to do about it?)
- Start carrying out the decision (When am I going to start doing it?)
This framework helps you get out of your head. It allows you to quickly understand whatâs going on, what you can do about it, and to make a decision and start doing what youâve decided.
Solving business problems
Similar to the framework above for analyzing any worry, you can use the following four questions to solve most of your worry about any business situation.
- Whatâs the problem?
- What is the cause of the problem?
- What are all possible solutions to the problem?
- What solution do you suggest?
Whenever youâre struggling in business, go through this framework. Youâll feel better and be clear on what youâre going to do to start actually solving the problem, instead of simply worrying about it.
Breaking the Worry Habit
Use busyness
To conquer worry, you need to understand that worry is a habit. That means itâs a habit you can break. One technique for breaking the worry habit is to keep yourself busy. When youâre really busy or taken up by action, itâs hard to worry. Thereâs a balance here â you donât want to mask underlying problems by just keeping yourself moving all the time. But filling up your days can make it easier to not worry.
Donât sweat the small stuff or the improbable
“Trivialities are at the bottom of most marital unhappinessâ – Joseph Sabath
Resurfaced using Readwise
Donât let the little annoyances or problems in life cause you too much worry. You canât eliminate everything thatâs unpleasant, and the energy expended on worrying about these problems prevents you from focusing on whatâs important.
On a related note, donât get too concerned about things that donât have a high probability of happening. Most surfers fear sharks, but how likely is it that theyâll get killed by one? Not that likely. Try to ask yourself honestly, âHow likely is it that the thing Iâm worrying about will occur?â
Accept the situation
âGod grant me the serenityTo accept the things I cannot change,The courage to change the things I can;And the wisdom to know the difference.â
Resurfaced using Readwise
We often find ourselves in situations we donât want to be in. Focus on what you can do about the situation, rather than on the existence of the source of worry.
Know your values
âYes, I honestly believe that this is one of the greatest secrets to true peace of mind â a decent set of values. And I believe we could annihilate fifty per cent of all our worries at once if we would develop a a sort of private gold standard â a gold standard of what things are worth to us in terms of our lives.â
Resurfaced using Readwise
Get clear on what you value, and live by that standard. Hold others to your standards as well. If you have a friend whoâs always an hour late, say that youâre willing to wait up to 10 minutes, but after that, youâre leaving. Thatâs a standard that youâve communicated, and the person can choose to meet it or not.
Figure out what you really care about in life and what youâre willing to give up to get it. You may find that youâre expending a lot of energy on something you donât even want. Cut it if it doesnât align with your values.
Cultivating a Mental Attitude that Fosters Peace
âOur life is what our thoughts make it.â – Marcus Aurelius
Resurfaced using Readwise
Just for today
A beautiful daily program for you to aspire to follow, originally written by Sibyl F. Partridge.
- Just for today I will be happy. This assumes that what Abraham Lincoln said is true, that âmost folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.â Happiness is from within; it is not a matter of externals.
- Just for today I will try to adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my family, my business, and my luck as they come and fit myself to them.
- Just for today I will take care of my body. I will exercise it, care for it, nourish it, not abuse it nor neglect it, so that it will be a perfect machine for my bidding.
- Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.
- Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways; I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out. I will do at least two things I donât want to do, as William James suggests, just for exercise.
- Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress as becomingly as possible, talk low, act courteously, be liberal with praise, criticize not at all, nor find fault with anything and not try to regulate nor improve anyone.
- Just for today I will try to live through this day only, not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do things for twelve hours that would appall me if I had to keep them up for a lifetime.
- Just for today I will have a program. I will write down what I expect to do every hour. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. It will eliminate two pests, hurrying and indecision.
- Just for today I will have a quiet half-hour all by myself and relax. In this half-hour sometimes I will think of God, so as to get a little more perspective into my life.
- Just for today I will be unafraid, especially I will not be afraid to be happy, to enjoy what is beautiful, to love, and to believe that those I love, love me.
Avoid trying to get even
âIf selfish people try to take advantage of you, cross them off your list, but donât try to get even. When you try to get even, you hurt yourself more than you hurt the other fellow.â – Milwaukee police department
No one can disturb your mind if you do not let them. Donât waste time thinking about people you donât like.
Donât worry about ingratitude
Avoid getting upset about people not showing the level of gratitude that you expect. Itâs human nature for people to forget to be grateful. So if you expect that they will be, youâll simply be disappointed. If you want to be giving to people or the world, then do it. Donât worry about that being recognized. If it is, great. You may feel good about getting that recognition, but donât feel bad if you donât receive it.
90% right, 10% wrong.
âTwo men looked out from prison bars,
One saw the mud, the other saw the stars.â
Resurfaced using Readwise
Most of the time, about 90% of our lives are going well, while 10% are not going as weâd like. We focus and obsess about that 10%, even if itâs about things that we donât care very much about. The best way to start enjoying your life is to focus on whatâs going well. You can always try to improve whatâs not going well, but donât make that the focus of your days. Be grateful for whatâs going well and for what you donât have.
Help others
If youâre feeling down, try to spend some time thinking about the world outside of yourself. Focus on other people and what drives them. Become interested in their stories. See if you can find small ways to help. Bringing joy to someone else often brings joy to you.
Conquering Worry and Criticism
âMan is not made to understand life, but to live it.â – Santayana
Resurfaced using Readwise
Consider religion and prayer
Religion and prayer â or the acceptance of something not knowable and greater than yourself â is a good way to stop fretting about all of your troubles. While many modern day people are agnostic or atheist, shying away from the specifics of various religions, itâs important to remember that you can always accept that there is a piece of life that youâll never fully understand.
So even if youâre not religious, talk to yourself about your worries, about your joys, about your hopes and dreams. Ask the universe for help. You may feel better by just asking.
No one kicks a dead dog
âSo when you are kicked and criticized, remember that it is often done because it gives the kicker a feeling of importance. It often means that you are accomplishing something and are worthy of attention.â
Resurfaced using Readwise
People donât criticize others who arenât doing anything. So if youâre receiving some criticism, it likely means that youâre doing something thatâs at least worthy of attention.
Donât take criticism so personally
You canât control whether or not you receive negative feedback or unjust criticisms, but you can control how you allow these events to impact your mind. Learning not to get worked up when someone says something that isnât positive is a core skill for dealing with a world in which you may get criticized for just and unjust reasons.
Keep a âfool things I have doneâ list
We all do stupid things. Some people learn from their mistakes and move on. Others obsess about the mistakes theyâve made and never let them go. What path sounds better?
One way to begin learning from and accepting your mistakes is to keep a âfool things I have doneâ list. This list can be a simple recording of all the stupid things youâve done in your life. You can add to the list over time and look back over the years to see how youâre improving.
Keeping Fatigue at Bay
âFatigue often produces worry, or, at least, it makes you susceptible to worry.â
Resurfaced using Readwise
Rest and relax
âI never stand up when I can sit down; and I never sit down when I can lie down.â – Henry Ford
Resurfaced using Readwise
Instead of grinding all day, take small breaks from your work. Do things you enjoy. Lay down. Go for a walk. Regularly take breaks to restore your energy, and youâll be able to work longer during the day.
Rest also includes finding ways to reduce the impact of your emotions on your energy levels. Feeling too many negative emotions can easily drain you. Anger, resentment, and so on are some of the most draining forces around. You could sit all down and do nothing, but if youâre angry and resentful, youâll feel exhausted.
There are different tactics that will work for you, but you have to find ways to relax. âRelaxation is the absence of all tension and effort.â Do whatever it is that relaxes you. This could be a few deep breaths. It could be keeping a journal when youâre upset. It could be laying on the floor for a few minutes when youâre tired. It could be sitting more comfortably in your chair.
Do your best to avoid unnecessary strain as you go about your days, and youâll feel better throughout them.
Avoid boredom
Boredom is often exhausting. A good way to understand this concept is to imagine times when youâre doing something interesting or exciting. Are you tired or fatigued when youâre really engaged with your work? Probably not. So find activities that get you excited, and youâll naturally have more energy.
Dealing with insomnia
Sleep is obviously a critical factor in feeling good. But many people, especially as they develop insomnia, begin to worry constantly about not getting enough sleep. This worry fuels the insomnia, and it makes people even more exhausted. So if you canât sleep well, by all means, try different tactics to get better sleep.
But if you donât get much sleep or are struggling, donât worry about your lack of sleep. The worry will make you far more exhausted than the ânot sleepingâ part. It compounds the problem, rather than fixing it.
đ That's all for now! If you enjoyed this piece...
đ If you want to discover more great books...
Explore the best books for expanding your mind, the best self-help books, the best philosophy books for beginners, books for people who don't enjoy reading, and more great books.
You might also enjoy these book notes...
- Same as Ever: A Guide to What Never Changes by Morgan Housel
- How to Get Rich by Felix Dennis
- The Creative Act: A Way of Being by Rick Rubin: Summary & Notes
- The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz
- The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel Van Der Kolk
- Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki
- So Good They Can’t Ignore You by Cal Newport
- Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die by Chip and Dan Health
- How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie Book Summary
- Wanting: The Power of Mimetic Desire in Everyday Life by Luke Burgis